I once saw Bob wirelessly tether his computer to a mound of dirt. He said he prefers a more organic internet connection. I cried.

Bob was able to spin in a perfect geometrical circle only once, but it split his family in two- along with 3 neighborhoods, a school, and a band of wandering hobos just in the wrong place at the wrong time and so he never tried again.

everytime bob picks his nose, he finds a gold nugget and glenn beck cries even more as the price of gold goes down because of his over abundance supply.

Bob is beawsome.

Bob pooped in my refrigerator and ate a whole wheel of cheese.

I was not even mad.

Bob's enemies have him listed an "emergency contact"

Bob once flinched... just to say he had.

The Make a Wish Foundation's wish is to meet him in person..

Bob is so awesome that he knows he awesome. His awesomeness knows no bounds.

when i first met bob i felt the earth move later after talking with others i found out that it was the universe instead and he was just realigning planets and stars to make his own constellation of his adventures that day

Bob once killed a lion with an empty Red Bull can and a pronoun.

alan used to be over 7 feet tall with a promising pro basketball future until he looked at both of bob's feet and he shrunk by that much to become his mini me

when bob has an accident universes become black holes

If he were to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume.

His organ donor card also includes his beard

If a single hair from his beard had been aboard the Titanic, we would never have had to hear the song "My heart will go on".

If Bob were to punch you in the face, it be impossible not to thank him

His beard has it's own gravitational pull

Bob once convinced a rainbow it was sad.

when bob walks barefoot the stuff between his toes creates new ecosystems