WHY MEN DON'T WRITE ADVICE COLUMNS

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving
my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more
than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car
shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. W hen I
got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the
neighbours daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighboursdaughter is 22.
We have been married for ten years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been
having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would
leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has
been feeling incr easingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much,
but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly
distant. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I can't get through
to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila
...................................................................................................................................................................

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no
debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and
hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none
of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump
itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,
Walter

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO
paperwork and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where
skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He
went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes,
attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist
prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous
skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had
obtained a score of 150%.

Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to
appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an
error in the grade."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart
perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. "You put the engine
back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."

After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because
you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my
entire career..."

A man entered a bus with both of his trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls"

The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time thinking deeply about what he had said. Eventually, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked: 'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow??'

:lol::lol:

Im still waiting for someone to say today is a bad joke...

Welcome to the Obamanation?

From the Best of Craigslist

Date: Wed, 14 Jan 2009 12:22:30 -0900




I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 . 45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!


- Alex

What’s a Jewish pedophile say to kids? “Hey kid, you wana buy some candy?”

A Dr. felt guilty for having sex with a patient.

One voice told him now worries, lots of doctors do it.

The other voice said, you sick bastard you are a vet!!!!!

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.


One turns to the other and says


“Dam!

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Booooooooo! Thats funny.

Urban Dictionary: heck

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I do love this meme for bad jokes

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